BECKETT'S NEXUS written by : DEVAN SCHWARTZ illustrated by: PETER WALLIS

Of magic dust and cheap red wine

2009-05-18T03:45:00.000-07:00

The weather is absolute bliss as the tropical birds move the day lazily along. I look high up at the Montserrat to where the monks brew there liqueurs from all the wild herbs and flowers moving to the drone of the prayer-like chant. The strange Catalan trees pollinate the soil it looks like an image from a dream twinkling in a place unspoiled by modern concerns and capital. Renoir would envy such romance and indulgence; hearty meals of new and interesting foods last for hours and it seems to be a crime to sit up in the studio in defiance of such beautiful weather. So I am down to my last few days here at Can Serrat and something told me to sit under the tree and let everything else stop, just for a few days. Influir en mi alma con la brisa fresca.
I thought a great deal about tragedy, of Greek Wars and the dusty breathe of Dead Poets. Here we are at the bus stop as brothers and sisters, and even if for a short time there is peace. All the wars have stopped, and we can get along without cars and currency, there is enough bread to eat in the morning.

One last poem:

“Waiting for Nina at dawn
A farewell to-Can Serrat”

Mis pies están cansados, pero aún me llevan
El tren nos llevará por la mañana.

Esta canción no es para el crtics y sus tu escuelas de arte.
palabras vacías no guardar su alma cansada.

San Francisco y Istanbul
A todos los lugares que desean ir

If I fall asleep before we get there
Wake me up when we get to Barcelona.

Espero que algún día usted se unirá a nosotros
Beber cerveza barata en las Montañas Verdes.

Puse un gorrión en mi estómago
Y esperar a que mi amante en la estación

Like a Band of Gypsies we Roll down the Highway

2009-05-14T03:58:00.000-07:00

It is a quiet rainy day here in El Bruc and I woke up with a very strong urge to leave the residency. For the most part I have found these past few weeks to be very productive, we are publishing, I have another presentation tomorrow evening and just feel ready to change my scenery. So I think in the next few days I will do my best to disengage from my participation in this residency and stay with my people in Barcelona. I will need to pack up all my gear, take some more hikes around the mountains snap a few more pictures and hit the road. Because my family is coming means that I will be able to show them around a bit but regardless of whether my advisor signs off on my practicum, I have footage to shoot and edit, I made a commitment, and I am a follow it through sort of student. I am going to spend a solid week writing my packet, locked away in a room to slam dunk the remainder of my time here. Visit galleries, have picnics in the plazas, and speak terrible broken Spanish. I feel good, I came here and really learned more about myself, about art, about history, and am ready to come home and eat some Hot dogs and drink weak american beer with my college friend Ted.

Middlebury Grant Application

2009-05-12T05:06:00.002-07:00

To Whom It May Concern,

My name is Peter Wallis. I am writing this letter in full support and collaboration with writer Devan Schwartz. For the past two years in tandem with my graduate work at Goddard College I have been working on a Graphic Novel titled Beckett´s Nexus with Devan. We met working at the Putney School in the summer of 2007; it follows a multigenerational story grounded in the atrocity of the Spanish Civil War. It deals with the nature of grief and a character’s struggle with his mortality. I am writing this letter as an Artist in Residence at Can Serrat in El Bruc, Catalonia Spain.

My collaboration with Devan has lead me overseas to make a similar patronage as the character in the story. In short this Graphic Novel, the collaboration on this story has been one of the most building and constructive experiences in my creative practice. It has helped me to see that we have a choice about how we perceive the concept of war. Little by little, with each brush-stroke I have found myself very empowered by the message of this story.

Along with colorful illustrations Devan´s ability to articulate difficult subject matter and themes brings forth an interesting engagement with the reader. His thoughtfulness and tone is brought forth using illustrations as a medium to promote larger more complex issues in an innovative way. I sincerely feel that working along side of Devan journalistically as he speaks to issues of immigration, pollution and the complexity of international borders in contrast to the natural divide of the Tijuana River is an optimistic way of speaking to a challenging situation. To help foster messages of compassion, understanding and more importantly conveying his writing in an insightful-artistic-route.
This collaboration will help to illuminate some of the difficulties of the Tijuana river border. This project aims to foster a creative interaction with the reader to see beyond the typical media hysteria. Through the illustrations and work on the Graphic Novel my collaboration with Devan speaks to a journalistic discourse, perhaps which is where all this work and research has been heading. I see this project as a unique vantage in recalcitrance of sensationalized methods of Journalism and visualize the illustrations and the text to be a way of exploring others' imagination and perspective.
We appreciate your consideration and look forward to your response.

Peter S. Wallis
52 Bald Peak Lane
Pittsford Vermont
05763

Hard Drinkers and Harlequins

2009-05-12T05:06:00.001-07:00

I always start these postings apologizing for not posting as often. Quite honestly I have been busy with my packet, my G-3 report and a short letter for Devan´s journalism grant at Middlebury College. I noticed that a few of my recent posts are lost, and am going to do my very best to get back on maintaining this journal. Today I helped to establish the Garden and feel like I have locked myself away in my room working on the Graphic Novel. It is a lovely room they gave me, or I earned that used to hold honing pigeons. I am a little bent out of shape after hearing I am still not up to par with my degree criteria. I am standing on the side of the highway with a sign that says GODDARD COLLEGE PRACTICUM. I have sacrificed quite a bit to be here and aside from all the snarky banter know for a fact that I am doing a great job. I also am taking steps toward publishing this Graphic Novel in a literary journal in Norway. I am also taking Spanish language courses with the rest of time here and have a whole new wave of presentations, heavy drinkers, and harlequins have showed up. So I am going to keep these posts a bit more abbreviated and I have found a scanner and am going to post my recent panels.

A Small World

2009-04-30T05:09:00.001-07:00

It is obvious by now, that the blog is getting harder to write when I have so much going on. So I will do my best to fill in the gaps, we attended a small talk at Katrina’s Gallery, looked at her studio and listened to her talk about a new series of politically charged paintings of Rotten Fruit. She is an exceptional painter and has a very simple, yet humbling appreciation for materials. Since I last wrote in this blog everyone has left, all the April folks are gone, and all the inspiration, late night snacking with good friends and great talks about art is now a memory. All these Norwegian Painter’s came to work on plien air paintings and each night have invited me to there meals, and made sure I was well fed. On a funnier note a woman named Pipi came up and asked me where I was from, and similarly to all the other ways I describe where I am from, I start with the I doubt you have heard of it. Then I said Vermont, and she said I went to Putney in the 1970’s, and I said; if it wasn’t for a job I had a Putney School I wouldn’t be here. She responded by saying if I didn’t go to Putney I wouldn’t have been here either. So the last few weeks a lot of coincidences have been happening. I spoke last night to another artist about a painter from the upper valley named Felix de la Concha. Walking around the Consell de Cent street (where there are a ton of local galleries) I see an exhibition of some his recent work. So aside from the world being a giant place, it seems that I keep going in circles, I met the woman from Brandon doing editions in Barcelona, the guy I shared a studio with is from Vermont. The last week or so has felt like a dizzying cycle of de-ja-vu and in a way it was a good feeling. A sense of like hey, hasn’t all this happened before, time itself either is rushing past, or at a complete standstill.

Tonight I head back into Barcelona to say good bye to Madeline at her gallery opening, and I am nervous to take out even a little money because I need to preserve what I have so I don’t feel so broke when Nina comes. As part of my work here they moved me into a room that needs to be painted, so they are coming back with some paint and I’m going to knock it out. I still need to wrap up another packet, and finish my G3 report, so I am really busy, really happy too, and am looking forward to another amazing month here at Can Serrat, here in Spain.

Note to everyone-I am a drawing machine, I’m really cooking now with these panels.

Practicum is building steam

2009-04-23T11:36:00.000-07:00

Today has been an insane day from the beginning to the end. Yesterday Rob, my friend from England came and visited me. We had a quiet meal shared a few laughs (mainly about the absurdity of the cost of the American Education System) and today I went to Barcelona to hang out on his end of town. He lives in Gracia which is a bit north of the city center, and he showed me around shady plazas and sleepy streets. Today is Saint Jordi so the streets were booming with people. Saint Jordi is sort of like Valentines Day in which the woman get una rosa and men get a libro and there is fireworks and partying. I have to say that may be one of my last times in the gothic quarter with all the gawking tourists, even thought I am a stranger in these parts, I much prefer to sit in the shade here in El Bruc. To look up at Montserrat and really reflect on what it is to be an artist, to be a master artist. So I have begun to ask myself about the nature of academia, about what makes an advisor, or a student and wondering what the difference is between an advisor and a student. In actuality there is no difference, we are all artists, it is still a massive process, and doctorate, masters or bachelors is a piece of paper that means nothing unless the work is good and you are doing something with it. I see street artists here, young students who I think man; they could be a great professor. Academia is just a large wine and cheese service where you quote a couple theorists shake a few hands and call your self a master. In actuality I really feel that credentials or not, the work itself will stand or fall on its own. The one thing I know about Goddard, by reputation, is that you have a boundless amount of freedom. That is why I challenged myself to come here, to completely absorb myself in my work and develop better engagement with international artists. Today as I rode the bus back to the residency. As I walked down the ancient cobblestone streets, I said to myself you are doing it Peter, be proud of yourself. Already in a single month you have accomplished a lot and deserve to call yourself a master of interdisciplinary arts. Forget about the deadlines and the pile of debt, and the people who have doubted you along the way. Forget them, this is your adventure and the Goddard community is amazing group of fascinating people who have fostered and nurtured an amazing amount of growth in your art, your writing, and development as a critical thinker and as a person. I couldn’t help but get a bit excited about the next residency, about the potential that we all have at a small college in Plainfield Vermont. To board a trains and busses and planes to make our art and impact this world in some way with our art.

A memorable birthday

2009-04-22T06:25:00.001-07:00

Here I am a bit behind in my journal because so much has happened. On Sunday we took a trip up to Shaun Brosnan’s house, yup James Bonds cousin. A very snarky Englishman who lives here in a beautiful place in the mountains that looks very much like Vermont. He is a sculptor who makes very girth-like sculptures out of sheet lead; he also lives with a Swiss ceramist who makes very delicate porcelain vessels. We ate hot scones, drank good tea and kava and watched the eagles float on the air currents. In a massive garden full of lavender, and a whole spectrum of strange flowers and sights, so on Monday I also worked a bit on the Graphic Novel and went to bed very early to avoid the party at night. It seems that things really have died down here, and it is much mellower. I have a new studio mate from Melbourne who has just arrived from Turkey and a residency in Cairo. He is an intense guy who has gotten right to work on large scale drawings of Cairo. We is quite a draftsman, and look forward to having someone to talk about aesthetics and formal choices.

When I first moved to Vermont in 1986 I had carrot cake at my Grandparents house and have made it a tradition ever since. Anna the cook here and Carlota and Madeline made me a delicious carrot cake and everyone really went out there way to be very kind, and I really feel like this is my family now. It was also Will’s presentation who makes these very delicate sculptures that feel like they defy gravity, out of different types of wood. It was Kurt’s presentation as well; he is very much an Abstract Expressionist painter much like the work of Franz Kline. As the night went on the presentations were over and I began to feel a bit weird, missing my friends my family and was really happy to read all the emails from my family and friends. As well as faculty members at Goddard, everyone took the time to wish me well, and at the end of the night I seemed a bit weird, strangely nostalgic looking at the dim flame of youth seem to flicker and fade away. So everyone noticed my weirdness and insisted that I party a bit, so they drove to town. Bought me red wine, a bunch of pizzas, and gin and tonic, so they really went above and beyond for me and made it feel like one of the best birthdays I have ever had.

My friend Rob is visiting me today, and was telling me about a guy poking him with a knife, even right now everyone is telling a story about how they got robbed in Barcelona. The Moroccan guys work in crowds and are damn good at taking money from tourists, so I want my family to stay in Gracia, and get away from these muggers, cause they are good, and prey on awestruck tourists. That is how they make a living, and if you get robbed less than 100 euros it isn’t a crime in Barcelona. I’m really not afraid, I live in paradise in Can Serrat, but tomorrow in Barcelona you can bet my money will be in my shoe.

Carlota's Print Shop

2009-04-19T02:22:00.001-07:00

Friday and Saturday were busy days for presentations, first Carlota’s, which was amazing. And equally amazing Hilde’s paintings and videos, Carlota is as obsessed with Velazquez’s Margarita as I am with Picasso’s Guernica. Then on Saturday we saw Johnny interesting animations where he plays with dimensionality and space and on to Jessica’s large scale circumstantial drawings. These past two days have been really busy with presentations, and I really haven’t had a lot of time to work on what I am doing. I also heard that my advisor never got my packet on time, and was really upset about not getting it uploaded properly. Suffice to say she has been very cool about the whole deal, and hope it hasn’t reflected negatively on my work at Goddard. In all honesty it was on time and technically speaking I never miss a deadline. Good, bad or indifferent I always manage to get my work in on time. I also found a few jobs in Europe I am going to peruse. Regardless of moving back to Vermont I see a lot of great opportunities for my Art in Europe and am not waiting for a job in the states. It is my birthday tomorrow I will be 27, I’m sick of working manual labor jobs and entry level position. I’m almost through with my Master’s degree and I’m sick of always settling for less. On a different note I’m done Skyping people in the states, all the time I have spent emailing and updating my blog I could be spending on my work. In regards to working here at Can Serrat I am refurbishing the print-shop and setting up a serigraphy studio, so I have an epic amount of work to accomplish be fore I leave.

Carlota wrote about me on her blog, and I made a snazzy illustration. You can see it on the web @
http://carlotaperla.blogspot.com/

Finding a way to cut costs

2009-04-17T03:10:00.001-07:00

So yesterday was an epic day. I went into Barcelona with Hilde to meet Fran Bull(a woman from brandon VT) and met her at the same etching studio where Salvador Dali, Pablo Picasso, and Joan Miro worked. Epically inspiring, a complete mess, I have never seen anything like it. You walk in and head down the stairs and see etchings by, Miro, Goya, Rembrandt and couldn’t help but get a chill from all the interesting artists and works that have been made in the studio. Totally overwhelmed by the amount of tourists on La Rambla, just and ocean of fashionable people cascading through the streets. We went to the open air market and were amazed by the tropical Technicolor juices, countless meat and fish stands, tapas restaurants and wandered around the market just gawking at all the weird stands, and items for sale. From there we went and had all you can eat sushi near the waterfront and found out all the small galleries are closed on Thursday. From there we walked out to the beach and watched all the kite-boarders take advantage of a windy day. I realized something in the streets with all the tourists; I’m not a tourist anymore. Bobbing and weaving around the people I got kind of sick of the urban life. I have spent quite a bit of money so far, train tickets, admissions to museums and I am way over budget. I did toy with the idea of renting an apartment in Barcelona and saving some money, but am really was nervous with whom I would have to share a living space with here. I submitted my idea to Katrina here at Can Serrat about rehabbing the print shop and setting up a screen printing studio here. So far they sound receptive and it may knock some of the cost off my next month here. As a last resort I have a friend I may be able to stay with in Barcelona and am considering renting a room there. The residency has been inspiring they have supported a substantial deal of my living costs thus far, and feel weird about asking for more, in regards to this whole screen printing studio it will inevitably soak up time I will spend on the graphic novel. Either way I need to fly back to Madrid and right now I am anxious about feeling comfortable next month. More importantly my birthday is coming up and I wanted to spend the day in Barcelona, but know every time I go there I am wasting money. So for now aside from what may happen next month, I will settle, relax and spend my time here in a thrifty way. To clarify to all the blog readers out there, I didn’t miss the deadline to the Vermont Arts Council, I was given an extension and had to write a separate proposal for that, quite honestly I didn’t know about this opportunity until I was in Florida and was given an extension on my proposal, so officially I made the deadline. I wasn’t given the Grant because typically Vermont Arts Council primarily funds in state programs to keep the money in Vermont, and recommended that I look for a national level grant, they liked my proposal. Either way, if I stay in Barcelona, or at Can Serrat, I will be here next month in Spain, will be half way through my graduate work, visiting one of the most amazing places I have ever been, making one of the best products of my creative life. At this point today I feel like I am ready to come home today, to regroup and make a plan for the rest of my life. Anxious but inspired.

An Uncritical Reality

2009-04-15T04:11:00.000-07:00

So apparently I have angered a few folks for neglecting my blog, and firstly want to apologize to my new found fans out there. Most of this is drivel, but I am glad that you are enjoying it. I am going to outline what has happened in the last four days and provide a more insightful blog later in the day. I am working on the Graphic Novel; I am happy, feel healthy and am in a good place here.

Anna-Tuna- Is a very nice Norwegian woman with fire red hair, fire red lipstick and a small tattoo of a sparrow on her neck. Each day without fail she comes here and cooks us a delicious meal, and tells us about her life and how much she loves to back pack though Nepal and Bhutan. One day as I was sitting in the Kitchen I said hey one of these days we should make an extravagant meal for you, she looked me right in the eye and said “what day,” and I said Saturday. So on Saturday we all made tapas, and each person made a dish that they liked. I made brusectta on little baguettes, there were mussels covered in a cream sauce and baked, there was a spinach pie, a masterfully made salad with fresh herbs from the garden, good chorizo, goat cheese, local wine, jazz music. It really was a night to remember and every one gorged themselves, and spoke about travel and food late into the night.

Sunday is my day off from work, a day to rest to wash my laundry, play guitar and we usually end the night by going to Mohammed’s restaurant Granada and having really good Moroccan food. We watch old Billy Idol music videos and drink café con rhum and watch the people pile in and slam the tables playing dominos. He is a really welcoming guy, and he makes this amazing mint tea that would sooth any traveler’s soul. More or less it has become a routine, and to see him run up to the door and give everyone a hug it seems like just the place on a rainy Sunday night.

Monday I got right back to work and during my illustration I met Madeline’s friends who were from Barcelona and genuinely interested in what goes on here. As I was explaining what I was doing he told me his Grandfather lost his legs in the Spanish Civil war, and at first I felt like I was a gringo writing a story about something very sensitive still. He told me how both his Grandfather’s fought in the Spanish Civil War. One on the side of Franco and one with the Red Army, after really sitting down and explaining the story, translated by his Italian girlfriend, he was really into it and thought it was a unique story. It was nice to hear some feedback from someone whose family was affected by this political situation just to get some thoughts from a more direct perspective.

Tuesday was Madeline and Mary’s presentation. Both very interesting artists that deal with collecting kitsch objects a reassembling them in way. Mary collects fabrics and speaks to the Nature of Death in her thoughtful embroidery work. Madeline spoke to her residency in China and her Dadaist looking reassembling of figurines, and very interesting paintings where she obscures the boundaries of culture, and creates an ambiguous notion of human identity. Very powerful thoughtful, interesting presentation, I spent the rest of the evening sharing some Kava (a local dry version of champagne) and talked about different art processes outside. I was drawn in by a romantic conversation with Nina and did our typical, arguing, to reassuring, back to joking around, to laughing about nothing. I realized that I am most definitely soaking her time up as well and am glad to have had such really inspiring talks with her. I realized my room is a mess, my clothes are dirty all over again and the only period of clarity is in my studio. Where I have found the best brush pen on earth and feel like the Graphic Novel is coming along quite well. At the same time I haven’t done anything with setting up a blog space for the upcoming residency, we are setting up a web presence to spread the word about the illustration show.

por medio de la peregrinación

2009-04-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

“Who are we, where do we come from, where are we going?”
-Paul Gauguin

Sitting in a beautiful garden surrounded by an ocean of new colors, foreign smells and sights, I have asked myself some of these same questions of identity and purpose in my art and wonder where I think I belong in the world. We all seem to be in search of something, through creativity, we seek a very enigmatic, mysterious existence. Listening to people from around the world, and in fact sharing a studio with another Vermonter I have found out there is something we all yearn for. We all want to feel a connection to one another, often times fleeting or short lived we search city streets and mountain tops with all of our passion, our hopes and dreams coincidently riding up and down the dusty roads of life searching for the best version of ourselves.

The artist is always in search for meaning, for identity.

I’m sure we can all agree that we have been very different people in our lives, with different ideas and aspirations. Yet ghostly, and like the fragments of an old scrapbook we hold on to small pieces of the people we once were. When I look at social networking sites, it is very much a way of having an avatar, or projecting who you are in a certain light. When I look at everyone’s digital profile there is a subconscious reaching out to one another, a connectedness in how we want the world to see us. What I realized is that everyone wants to be a rock-star, either selfishly or not we project the best version of ourselves, the person we hope to be. In a sense in my particular situation I find myself wandering the streets of Barcelona, hiking in the Montserrat, searching in a far away place for the concept of “home.”

I am a Vermonter; I always have been, even in the coldest nights I find identity in the seasons. As I wander through the airport terminal, I look at the different gates, Copenhagen, Amsterdam, Bangkok, Seattle, San Francisco, London and I think about an exotic life somewhere far away. I realize that my identity is in Vermont, I love it, it is something that will never leave me, and when I go away even for a little while I know that is where I belong. Sure there aren’t a lot of jobs in the creative field, yeah you can get cabin fever in the winter, but as I find myself far away I miss it deep down in my bones.

Lately I have been thinking about Paul Gauguin, and aside from the stigma of him bringing syphilis to the Tahitians. I think about his wander lust, his work and his search for beauty that made him reject his suburban lifestyle in France in search of color, of simplicity. So who we are has a lot to do with where we want to be. In Gauguin’s situation I don’t think he was ever satisfied, and that resonates with me very much with a struggle with art, and self and what it is that keeps us all up too late in the studio.

So what I have realized about identity is that inspiration isn’t a place. You can’t book happiness on Travelocity, or find it in cold academic hallways and lecture halls, it comes from inside, in the middle of the night without notice.

Check out my blog-
beckettsnexus.blogspot.com

Hope all is well my friends, I carry the Goddard torch here in Catalonia.
& hope your search for identity leads you down many roads,
back home...

Peter

Campfire Paella

2009-04-10T03:34:00.000-07:00

The weather was really nice out today, and I spent some time with friends just enjoying the day. I woke up and walked to the base of the mountains and watched all the weird lizards scurry underneath the almond orchard. Since everything is closed we stocked up on essentials, baby octopus, cockles, local wine. I have noticed that I really need to stop throwing money into buying groceries and get my own. It always seems like I take the brunt of the cost, and the whole I’ll get you back later thing dissolves after a few days have passed. There is a fire pit on top of the hill here at CanSerrat and Charles and Hilde helped make delicious paella over the open fire. We shared delicious Cava, and ate very well, we talked for hours and enjoyed the fire and each other’s company. It seems that back at home everything is falling apart. I really don’t have time for any American drama; my time here is just too short. I simply don’t have any room for other people’s problems. I just heard Sarah is coming here and I’m glad, she wants to play shows, and all that. If I had any advise to her I would come here to see shows, to relax, and worry about playing out after she comes home from vacation. There is a lot to do here, I’m sure there are many venues and smoky bars for her to play, this next month I have a ton of work to do, as much as I would like to wander around Barcelona, eat tapas, drink sangria, I’m not on vacation anymore. I have a practicum to finish, I have three more packets to write, and really need to not let the Byzantine maze of the streets of Barcelona distract me, after June 1st I have set aside some time for myself, and will sit by the beach and relax for a few days before I come home. This journal has been a challenge, and there is no way that a few journal entries or packets could illuminate all of the interesting experiences I have had so far. I hope that I can bring a more laid back attitude back home, and return a less anxious person, and use everything I have learned here back at home. At the same time
Im also organizing a group show at Goddard and need to be more active in getting that all wrapped up. Oh yeah for all you Sesame Street people, Maria from the show will be at Can Serrat, so if you have any big bird questions let me know.

Unconventional Critique

2009-04-09T04:17:00.000-07:00

It was really rainy today, and my presentation was this after noon. I had no idea the whole town has going to show up. Charles presented his work from the last residency and I went last, it was pretty interesting to have all these people interacting and engaged with my work from all over the world, this is exactly why I came here. There were also a lot of little kids who were drawn to my work simply because they are cartoons. I talked a lot about the nature of suffering, about Spain and realized something essential with my work, beyond Devan’s story. This girl from Rotterdam asked a very complex question no one has asked me. She asked what my take was on Devan’s story, what my feelings were about his idea. At first it stumped me but I came up with a pretty good response, I said that there are always threads of our parents and their stories that carry over into our lives. In some way we are all connected to out ancestry, to our parents and their grandparents and find meaning and identity in their stories. I thought a lot about my Grandfather and the coincidence that shaped our family, had my Grandfather not been in the Navy and met my Grandmother I certainly wouldn’t be sitting here typing. I thought about how my parents randomly met at a restaurant in Woodstock Vermont, had things been a little different, had they not bumped into each other back then I would have never been born. Speaking more directly to the girl from Rotterdam later on in the night she spoke to the notion that there is no such thing as coincidence that perhaps we are all moving at the helm of fate that as obscured and chaotic as life may seem. There is a larger magnetism to the way we collide into one another, permanently shifting the path we walk.

A really good critique that evolved into an art school party of mimosas and late night American styled snacking. During all this I did Skype Nina, she obviously was in a weird mood and think she was kind of angry that we were going crazy. I’m sure you are reading this, and feel bad that I dragged you through all that nonsense. I just wanted you to see what my studio is like after hours, and awkward, bizarre or indifferent I wanted you to be part of it. Because they were using a bunch of weird lights and projectors we blew the fuse and I couldn’t get back to you until much later. I didn’t realize till later that you were upset and want to apologize for being insensitive. I think I was just celebrating a really great critique, and feel strange when I am sitting in my room talking to you. From now on I will make sure to be more considerate to your situation. In time this will pass, and want to encourage you to bring you camera, your creativity because you also get to participate in an intensely creative and special place.

Postmodern Mortem

2009-04-08T02:27:00.000-07:00

I really upset today because the Vermont Arts Council denied my grant. This is my first go at applying for the grant, and I am sure that there are many people waiting in line to get a grant. I was prepared either way but thought I spoke quite eloquently in my application and represented myself quite professionally. I am sure this money is reserved for more in-state programs, and I bet getting the grant in late was a strike against me even before they read it. I still am going to stay at CanSerrat for next month, but was hoping to have some extra money for an apartment when I come home. I also found a job opportunity at a children’s publisher in Vermont, and need to stay on the ball for my morning job search. I have realized that for some reason I sleep in very late, even though I went to bed at eight last night. I think my body is really tired, and I still haven’t quite caught up on all the sleep I lost.
My presentation is today. Everyone at the residency really seems like they are on vacation, and this is just some bohemian hotel that serves dinner. It has been a week at it seems like Charles and myself are the only ones working. People taking day trips to the beach, partying at night, I guess some people are at different wavelengths with their work. Today is my group critique and I am rather nervous, it isn’t like a Goddard critique where people tip-toe around your feelings and are constructive. They tell you right away what is or is not working and move on. There are no statements like “I feel”…or “what is the social, political associations of this piece.” Just straight to the heart of what people need.
So although I am moderately discouraged and quite disappointed I am just going to move on, and adjust my approach when I apply for the next grant. It is Vermont so I forgot to add how I am going to save the needy children of the world and find a cure for cancer in a rare Catalonian plant. I am going to spend the day laying out the panels of my next page, get started on another tedious packet, and feel upright and strong about what I am doing here. Forget the critique; the way my words are interpreted, I’m doing all this to become a better artist. I don’t need anyone’s validation of what I am doing; I don’t need to throw in a Jacques Derrida quote to get my point across. It is what it is and I have made some substantial progress in my first week here.

“Have you heard of Sarah Wallis’ Music Yet?”

2009-04-07T03:55:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up very hungry, and managed to scrounge a bunch of food. I sat outside for a bit in awe of all the strange plants and flowers. We ate really good local fish with fried artichokes, shared wine and lounged around in the grass. Katrina the director of the residency picked me and Charles to present our work on Wednesday, so I have been organizing my work, and thinking about how I will articulate all my work, the story boards in a thoughtful engaging way.
This will also be a time for critique and feedback from the group. So far everyone seems interested in what I am doing, and have a handful of people interested in my practicum animation project. I managed to struggle through and get a very difficult panel finished. Often times I can get really overwhelmed with the nice weather, good food, and there is thing called skype that is keeping me in touch with the people that matter the most. I didn’t want to mention it by I think about Sarah often, and look forward to playing music with her again after she leaves the cult she is in. I thought I would write a blog entry, a short poem which I dedicate to her:

“Have you heard of Sarah Wallis’ Music Yet?”

You are the sparrow wings
of an
angel voice.

Match stick enflamed
Bright by the…
Crimson-chorus of hope brought
Through the darkest night;

Into
The
Brightest Day.

Know one can bind
The Technicolor-dreams of Spit-Fire
Cowgirl.

From on yonder mountain
tops we’ll call home
the bread we break
on the open road.

“We were all invincible”
And if I listen close to
the trees. In just the right
light-

There is a song we play
Together forever looping
In the cardboard box of my
Heart.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

2009-04-06T02:22:00.000-07:00

I have realized that I need a day where I don’t fret about getting the Graphic Novel done. So I decided to take some me time, sit out in the sun, do some laundry, get myself organized. I sat in the garden and played guitar, watched some lizards scurry about, and chose Sunday as a do nothing day. I am also helping to organize a group show here and am doing a presentation of my work in a few days, so I may make a small slideshow of my work. I also talked to Hilde, and she said that she is going to visit and artist I am interested (Fran Bull-a well know intaglio etcher) in at her studio in Barcelona. There also is an exhibition of some recent work by Kiki Smith at the Miro foundation in Barcelona. I think I have been avoiding going to Barcelona because I know easy it can be to spend money in the big city.
Since there is no food prepared on Sundays we went to Granada, Mohamed’s restaurant and ate like kings. Really good lamb and prunes with the best fresh mint tea I have ever had. Sitting around a table of people from seven different countries sharing food, it was nice to see a certain togetherness, and a sharing of interests that transcended our nationality. I have made a small goal to get the panels I have been working on resolved, and because I am illustrating the actual bombing of Guernica right now, I know how important it is in the story and want it to look the best it can. I would love to be able to finish a page a day, but don’t want to rush through it.
Today also has been a day where I have looked at jobs online, and really know that I need to come back to Vermont and start working, anywhere for now. I have made a goal to have my own place again before the end of Summer. I’m far too old to be living at home anymore, and may need to consider living somewhere where there are jobs in my field. Since it seems that I don’t ever get started working till noon, I want to spend the mornings looking for a job, a real job in my field where I feel like I am growing. Vermont seems like a place that I love, and always find myself coming back to. For now I need to put my resume out there and see what happens.

Chilean Party Night

2009-04-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up sort of late, but had a very creative start to the day and managed to pencil out a few panels. For the most part it seems that everyone’s work is an accumulation of marks, a mindless mantra of comfortable modes of working. What I realized is that each panel is so different. Each step transitional or not, takes many studies, many attempts until I finally feel ready to pull out the ink and finish a panel. Because it is early spring here it is very beautiful, and just over the next cliff is and amazing field of almond trees. They are all bursting with blossoms; it seems odd to be illustrating panels about death and suffering surrounded by all this beauty. I did manage to speak with a few people who are interested in my practicum project. Quite simply I will begin filming next week and decided not to limit my self to how many people will participate in this project. Since I have met so many interesting people in the first four days here. The questions have become quite clear:

“How do concepts of your own spirituality arise in the work you make?”

“Do you have a Spiritual Approach in the work you make?”

“As an artist do you feel that artists can help to sustain and foster messages of peace?”

I have gotten a lot of people interested in this idea and think my definition or response for these answers will arise out of the response of other artists. Easter is kind of a big deal here, and there with be this big ceremony in town. I would like to go check it out, I hear the sinners wear these big black robes, and there is something to do with these giant puppets. Because I need to leave a piece of work behind, I may leave the entire Graphic Novel as my contribution to this residency. The weekends get a little rowdy around here, and Carlos a Chilean guy who lives in Norway is throwing a party with traditional Chilean food and Mojitos because this is his last day here at CanSerrat. I am also waiting to hear back from the Vermont Arts Council about a grant to see if I will stay another month. I have decided already that if the grant doesn’t go through I am going to book a flight with Nina to Marrakech for a week to see what Morocco is like. I have always been inspired by traditional Islamic art and architecture and what ever ends up happening will be another layer to the adventure this spring.

Tightening up my Intentions

2009-04-04T02:33:00.001-07:00

Today was a pretty busy day. I woke up early and strolled around the gardens and took plenty of time for myself, and after feeling kind-of-sick this morning, I feel much better. Since it was nice in the morning I found a quiet terrace to sit down and work on the Graphic Novel. I still have my next packet on my mind, and know no matter what I do, it may not be good enough. For the most part I have let go a bit, and am going to stop defending my work so much. It is what it is, the work is getting done, I came all the way to Montserrat for my practicum. So today I have picked a couple artists to interview and feel more confidence in what I am doing at Goddard, the Graphic Novel, the “Peace Studies” and my overall existence here on this planet. I also ate really well last night and got to have some time to romance over the internet. My Goals for this coming week are to film the first few artists for the “Peace Studies Interview” and to really make some strides in the Graphic Novel. It seems that already four days have rushed passed me, I spoke with a lot of other artists where they spoke about a settling in period. I have organized the space, made a few nice drawings, and found that in some way I belong here. My largest goal is to spend the entire remaining time on knocking out a better packet, to address all the things that may be lacking, and represent the fact that I am doing the work, and I feel really good about it. Tomorrow I want to sleep in a bit because tonight is a screening of everyone’s projects and I present my work to the group with a small lecture. I think because people are coming and going so often there will be time to present my work more than once. Having Charles in my studio is nice, he is working on a Children’s book and is a very messy artist, throwing paint at the wall, and slashing at drawings, it is a refreshing approach. Thus far everyone has said I am very precious with all my drawings. I also need to leave a piece of work behind and want to do a large landscape and have the perfect toned paper and conte crayons. Turning 27 in a few weeks will be weird, but the older I get, the better my work seems to get. Age really doesn’t matter, but I need to make sure to step away from my work and celebrate it.

Satisfy the Soul

2009-04-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

Today was my first full day at the residency and it feels good to settle and have a really big well lit studio space to spread out in, today was a day to organize and look at the goals I need to accomplish. I took some time to walk into town and look at the shops and spent some time really looking at all the detail of the Mountains. Since it was my turn on kitchen duty I got to help see how a traditional Catalan meal was prepared. Lentils and a spinach pie with a huge salad and really good fresh bread has provided a great deal of comfort. It has been really rainy here and there is a big fire to sit next to, and it seems that everyone here is working on their masterpiece. I really have felt less like a tourist today and am glad to be off my cheap falafel and noodle diet in Barcelona and feel like I have a great deal more energy with some real substance in my belly. I have met quite a few people that are going to help participate in my practicum and feel much better where I stand with all the Goddard requirements. For the most part my advisor seems really engaging and has been challenging me to push forth into my work. On some level I carry a lot of the energy with me, and aside from the 26 hour a week minimum requirement for the workload at Goddard I genuinely feel that from when I wake up till I go to bed the practicum, the Graphic Novel, and my creative perspective has been my compass here in Catalonia.

Obviously there are a lot of distractions here, day-trips to interesting places, great conversations, socializing with other artists, and I know I have set out to accomplish a great deal of work. What I can say is that there has been time for reflection and have felt very engaged with this community, who without any question has welcomed me as another part of the group. There already has been time for critiques and political conversations, yet as far away as we have come we all are grounded in an urgency to produce work, good, bad and indifferent today I really just moved some ink around on the paper and it felt good to have people ask if I can lead a demo or a small workshop in the printmaking studio during my time here. It is nice to be around people who are engaging and feel that I am going to make some interesting conversations here. As far as the practicum goes I have already spoken to a few people, even a Vermont artist who are excited to participate in a dialog about the nature of spirituality and art. So what the hell does it mean to be a Master’s level artist? For the first time I can honestly say I don’t know what separates Master’s level work from any other work. We all are in search for beauty, for meaning, and regardless of what the actual work the commonality is that search for meaning, and by the way of the Pilgrim we find ourselves traveling, or writing, or perhaps making an animations to help define who we are and where we are going. Between where we come from and where we are going is where we all remain. Regardless of the intent or the criticism we are all floating in the wake of samsara. The present moment is what defines us.

I can tell so far that some people are reading my blog; although it can be personal at times I really need to excuse myself if I happen to offend anyone, more importantly I have kept this blog to outline my experience here and let Nina know everyday that I love her very much even though I am ten hours in the future I take time to think about you no matter how much is going on in both of our lives and look forward to eating tapas and looking at Goya and weird contemporary art here in Barcelona. Although San Francisco is far away at some point we will be together again, being sarcastic and watching Avant Garde movies and eating Thai food.

An Open-Minded Love Letter that is long over Due-

“The Space Between Catatonia, Vermont and
San Francisco”

In my craft and sullen art,
I Dream of a
Electric red-headed soul.

With,
Mighty-grace and patience
She accepts sarcasm
and self consciousness;

Like a Buddha
Digesting a
esoteric
yellow canary.

We look past the horizon to a
warmth in a place that has
Yet to come.

In watermelon sugar,
The old souls mix with
New.

A mouth full of wine
for the friends lost
along the way.

An olive branch for all those
who can not stay.

For now, my friends
Let us shine in the light of
A brighter day.

-Dr. William Rainwater

"To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to do."

-Kahlil Gibran

Drying my feet out in the Montserrat Mountains

2009-04-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was sitting in the hostel and I met these Brazilian guys who gave me a day pass to the Picasso museum. It was really inspiring I love to see his amazing range of work and really just can’t put into words how intense Antonio Gaudi’s architecture is. It looks like something from Alice in Wonderland; I had a real hard time tracking some art supplies down this morning in Barcelona, but managed to finally find something that I can use. Walking around Barcelona my feet got really soaked from all the rain and admit that there isn’t a more unpleasant experience on earth than traveling with wet feet, so quite early I opted to board the hour long bus to El Bruc. It looked like something from the science fiction book dune, endless cities built high on top of terra cotta peaks and rows of almonds, strange plants and vineyards, and it feels really great to be out of the city. Right away I had to exercise my Espanol and find exactly where this residency is, as I approached the Montserrat Mountains I thought at first, there is no way the mountains look like this it must be the clouds, but due to the volcanic formation of the mountains they really take on a Dr. Seuss like quality. I love the residency already, really friendly people, and a delicious meal, people sitting around talking passionately about life love and there hopes and dreams. Not to mention I met a guy from Burlington my first ten minutes here. I have always been a country mouse and the gardens and studios really are a comfortable fit for me, they feel like a mixture of Gailer, Meca and Catalonia. I do really miss Nina and feel sort of lonely and wish I could share all this with her. I am staying not to far from one of the oldest Christian relics in Europe and am looking forward to hiking around. I am in Catalonian wine country and the wine is amazing the landscape is overwhelming and really I am ready to start digging into my work again.

My first goal is to budget my time, be thoughtful about my work and nestle into the next two months here. Although I am in a very beautiful place, I can’t help but think about Vermont under these palm trees and strange cactuses. How the apple trees are about burst, and the mountains to return to their Green luster. I am really thankful for everyone who has helped me get here, especially my Mom who has always encouraged my dreams and know that without her help and guidance I may not be here right now. In the next few days I really need to get cracking on my work, find time for a siesta and give a great deal of thanks to the universe for bringing me to a place that is intensely unique.

Exhaustion and Inspiration

2009-03-31T03:38:00.000-07:00

I don’t really even know where to begin when speaking about Espana, should I start with talking about tapas or the sun soaked plazas of Madrid, or the kaleidoscopic flux of interesting people that have come in and out of my experience here. Since I departed from Boston Massachusetts I have done my share of people watching. What I have noticed is that despite our differences we all are in search for some kind of meaning out of life. I have met a great deal of students, editors for the times in London, Artists, and extremely professional people with a great deal of insight to share.

Aside from the usual party people and cloud of hashish smoke I realized something inherently beautiful about people in my travels. We all are in search of meaning; we know who we are and where we come from, yet our real search is for the person we hope to become. In Madrid I was forced to be a much more laid back guy and go with the flow.

To be honest the first three days I didn’t get a proper night’s sleep because I shared a room with these Chinese kids that were jet lagged and up all night, so aside from the fact that the hostel was a beautiful Moorish estate with a courtyard, a beautiful and infinitely complex tile work and a giant stained glass ceiling the noise in my room and around the hostel made it impossible to sleep. So I found myself waking up at dawn watching the streams of sunlight illuminate the decaying classical sculptures in Park Retiro.
As I rode the giant glass elevator in the Renia Sofia and looked at the Guernica for a few hours I began to hallucinate from lack of sleep, at some point I was forced to take a siesta on some random bench. Without going into a lot of detail I am going to knock out a quick list of places I went and friends I shared sangria with:

-Day trip to Toledo with Wayne, Anthony, Caz, & Casey-
Very amazing architecture, terra cotta houses and a massive amount of steps, perhaps some of the best Art of have seen so far @ Caterdral de Toledo. I can’t even put this into words amazing collection of El Greco, Caravaggio, Goya, and I was blown away by decoration, sculptures and frescos. I believe this particular cathedral is the oldest in Europe.
-Santa Maria Blanco- Built by the Ottoman Turks this initially was a Mosque and then it was a Synagogue and lastly it was a Church. It was really interesting mix of all these religions in the same space, and interestingly enough despite the differences in beliefs it was neat to see all these faiths in the same place. We also saw these chains on another Cathedral and asked a local why they were there and he said during the Ottoman occupation of Toledo (which is the old capital of Spain) christian, and Jewish people who weren’t Muslim were hung by their wrists as punishment in the square, and the chains were there as a reminder of past struggles.
Museo Del Prado- I was supposed to meet up with my cousin Sarah in Madrid but didn’t recognize her and walked around the building a few times. She sounds like she has accomplished a lot in her email and if I make it back to Madrid I need to meet up with her and get an insiders perspective of the city.

Im sure I will talk a bit more about Madrid, but here I am in Barcelona and I prefer it to Madrid. It is a much more walk able place, it is a port town and the Gaudi architecture, the fresh fruit markets and contemporary art has made me feel very inspired, at this point it feels like my feet are going to fall off from all the walking. So although I am in a very inspiring creative part of the city I really need to regroup because I leave for the residency tomorrow. My diet so far has been strange, bowls of octopus, gorgonzola heartburn, bizarre types of seafood that I let slide down my gullet with no idea what the hell it is. I am in a district of many printmaking studios and creativity, lost in the intimate streets and tropical squares; I really need to take this entire day to relax. The illogical setup of the streets represent that art-noveau vibe all over this city. I admit that Barcelona is perhaps one of the most amazing, interesting, inspiring places I have ever been. Although I want to go do it all Dali, Picasso, Gaudi, it only costs 4 euro to take a bus from the residency back to Barcelona.

These cool Brazilian guys gave me a free pass to all the museums in Barcelona... off I go.

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*BECKETT'S NEXUS* written by : DEVAN SCHWARTZ illustrated by: PETER WALLIS